Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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