dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
