every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
