i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
