is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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