Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
