I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
