only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
