remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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