My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
