Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
babies were throwing up all over the place
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
