Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
