I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize