i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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