my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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