have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
