So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize