All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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