just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
