So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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