??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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