hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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