we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
