I think my vagina is haunted
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
