the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
