Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
