K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
