Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
