I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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