we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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