I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
