omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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