Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
