drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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