I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
