Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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