Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
