Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
