Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
