i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
