Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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