I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
you never un-have a 4some
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
