Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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