Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
