So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Your cock deserves a montage
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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