I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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