forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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