This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
