I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
