Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
