I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Randomize
