Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I am naked and annoyed.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
