i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
