I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
