She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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