Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
