Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
