Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
