Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
