someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
this will be a night to untag.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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